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Why You Havent Heard Much From Me

I know most of you have noticed that’s it been a while since I’ve been blogging. Honestly, I lost focus and allowed situations beyond my control.   First of lemme say- I’m generally not the type to be pretentious. However, like most reasonable people- I don’t make it a habit to air my dirty laundry. And over the past few weeks- my I’ve been drowning in what I thought was dirty laundry! I’m sure some of you are here for the dirty- juicy details, but unfortunately that is another blog post entirely.

This post is about how I managed, and mismanaged my unfortunate situations over the past few weeks. Prior to my life getting turned upside down, I had everything under control. I had created a pretty good pattern, stride, for my life. It was as if I could wake up and flow through my day on auto-pilot. Effortlessly. I was happy- well I was content.

Then it happened. That most dreaded thing. The thing married people fear. The big “S” word. And all at once my life changed. And for about a week I cried nightly. I managed to only allow myself a few moments each night to mourn the death of my relationship.

All of a sudden I was a single woman, a single parent, my income was sliced in half and I was questioning how I’d manage the comforts I’d grown attached to. Again, that is another blog post.

That week, turned into two weeks, turned into three weeks. Now, nearly a month later- I’m looking back at my life and examine how I went so long without setting a more steady cadence for my day to day life. The short answer is- I lost my focus, and in doing so- I lost my BALANCE.

Balance by definition is “an even distribution of weight allowing someone or something to remain steady, upright; a condition where different elements are in equal or correct proportions.”

Prior to my situation, I had developed a good balance for my life. Adequate time with my family, adequate time with my husband, sufficient time and energy in my friendships and other relationships, and and enjoyable amount of time indulging in my passions.

When the unexpected storm hit my life- I lost all balance. Everything was new, I had to reset my entire life. I spent too much time focusing on some things and not enough time focusing on others. At the time, I didn’t think I was focusing on the negatives, I didn’t feel like I was giving too much energy to loathing my misfortune. I simply stopped working to maintain a homeostatic environment.
The result was: I stopped blogging. I allowed days to turn into weeks. I stopped writing all together. I buried myself in work, because initially I was happier at work, than at home. It’s sad when work becomes your vacation spot. I focused more on how to make ends meet, than on enjoying life. I became tired, exhausted even. I did spend more time with the kids, but not the quality kind. Our time together was focused on the business of being a family. Getting clothes together, keeping the house tidy, packing their bags for overnight stays with grandparents while i was away at work. The overall result was that I had lost all balance.

The more time I spent focusing on “A,B,C” the less time I spent enjoying “X,Y,Z.” Looking back i seen clearly how it happened. It was a quick process. One ripple in the pond, a few moments too many spent in self pity. One day-one single day of focusing on the negative was all it took for me. For some of you- you may have the balance of life down to a science, for me I’m still learning.



One lesson I learned was that when unfortunate things happen to me- I should take a moment, a brief moment to 1.) ACKNOWLEDGE that it has happened and 2.) ASSESS whether or not I can change it. 3.) ACCEPT that I may or may not be able to change it. The next step in my opinion should be the briefest of them all- 4.) ALLOW yourself to feel however you want about the situation! Be angry, be hurt, throw a tantrum. For me, it was crying that helped. I allowed myself to cry each night for the first week. After my days work was done. I’d lie in bed and let the tears flow for a few minutes. What makes the difference though, is step five. 5.) The RECOVERY. How I recovered from my situation determined how much I would allow it to affect my day to day life. Would I allow it to completely derail my plans or would I simply keep going, keep being resilient until i made it through? I feel strongly that the difference between those who are successful and those who… Aren’t- is the way the handle the misfortunes of life. Over the past three weeks, I’ve managed to experience a tough situation. In the past similar situations have completely broken me down, caused me major depression. So I can say, overall I managed the situation pretty well. However, I’m all about growth, and acknowledging a areas in my life where I can improve.

In closing, I feel like maintaining balance and keeping your focus is one of the most important elements of surviving the tough times in life. I hope that blog has blessed, enlightened, and inspired you. As always, COMMENT LIKE SHARE. I’m always happy to hear different opinions (positive ones anyway)

2 Comments on Why You Havent Heard Much From Me

  1. Very interesting read. I called you a few weeks ago because I sensed you were foreshadowing in one of your prior blogs about what was taking place. I felt your unhappiness weeks ago. And then… I read this one. This was an excellent breakdown of how to go through what I call “death”. As always your writings are confirmation that I’m not crazy and the only way thinking in depth to the point you are. You are one of the strongest women I know. I wish our relationship was as tight as it were when we were adolescents; however, I totally understand the complexities of life doesn’t alot a whole heap of time.I say keep your head up K. Maybe the key to unlocking tthat 3rdjob lies within an avenue you still have yet to explore. Until next time, love you always. If you need a frIend, I’m here. Peace.

  2. Thanks Shell. Writing is therapeutic for me. And even thought we don’t talk as often, u are just like a sister to me. #LOT!

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