During my twenties I watched my group of friends dwindle down slowly. One by one, friends I had spent years getting to know, left the close-knit circle. By my late twenties, only two of us remained. We had both endured the hurt and transitions of letting people exit our lives, but we were certain our friendship was for a lifetime. Over the span of twenty years, we had become bestfriends, sisters.
Things ticked along just fine until we reached out thirties. We had survived two marriages, two divorces, numerous boyfriends and break-ups. We had comforted each other through our individual family disputes, baby daddy problems, and other life transitions. We were both sure we were inseparable. That is, until the moment things began to evolve.
It initially began with small disputes which led to unresolved hurt. Then it finally graduated to larger problems, and possibly resentment over apologies that were never offered. I was thirty-something and I knew that the friendship of my youth had to evolve. Long gone were the days of sharing every intimate detail of our personal lives. Those details had now became ammunition for judgement. I’d become absorbed in trying to be a better mother, balancing a stressful career, and trying to hold down a turbulent relationship. Perhaps I became negligent in maintaining a healthy friendship. As each month passed in 2017, we became more and more distant. We had grown so far apart that it was like we barely knew each other.
I found myself with so many questions. Had I outgrown my childhood friendship? Was the friendship not strong enough to bare the weight of my problems, and bipolar-induced drama? I had matured beyond needing a friend? Did people my age even attempt to maintain friendships? I was uncertain of so many things. However, I was certain of one thing; losing my friend would be like losing a sister. I knew that replacing her would be hard for someone my age. I knew that I didn’t want to start over with anyone. I was certain that no matter what happened between us, no matter how our lives were transitioning, we would remain friends for the long haul.
I maintained this certainty for years, decades even. I held on to this optimism for over two decade until one day I woke up and realized, the person who I’d loved, the person who’s cycle was synched with mine, no longer wished to be apart of my life. It had happened. I had finally lost my closest friend. In my thirties, at a turbulent time in my life when I needed my support system the most, I woke up each day knowing that the person I trusted the most was no longer there. Worst of all, I had no clue what lead to the demise of our twenty year relationship. I don’t know if you ever endured such a loss but I pray you never have to.
To Be Continued.
Read on to continue the story of my evolving friendship.