On this day in history. Jesus rose from being dead. We are not talking about a brief lapse of consciousness, but three days of being dead. He woke up, with all power in his hands-as we have heard over the years. So I suppose the irony of my day- is that on the day of resurrection, parts of me feel absolutely dead.
Before I go into that- allow me to remind you of the disclaimer- Im not perfect, nor do I claim to be. I don’t have all the answers nor do I claim to. And though I’m on a journey of happiness, peace and positivity- life, hormones, emotions and situations get the best of me too- sometimes. With that said- let’s dig in.
Like I said- parts of me feel dead. On resurrection Sunday. There is one or more things missing and I think I know what they are. I think what I feared most may be happening. After a brief “marital seperation” I feel more confused and less clear-minded. Its a strange feeling when you are granted just enough personal freedom to explore your options, yet you aren’t quite free enough to enjoy uninhibited pleasure. That’s a not-so-fancy way of saying, being separated has brought more questions than answers. And I got anxiety- #AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!
I find myself wishing life would give me definite answers, and absolute conclusions. But I guess the point is- how could I exercise FAITH or HOPE, if I already knew the outcome? The Bottomline is, my faith, my love, my patience- it’s all being tested in this moment. I wish I had answers to give my children, my friends, my family, my spouse, my lover, myself. Truth is- I simply don’t. Like most people, I’m waking up everyday and admitting I don’t have a clue what to do- and I’m literally depending on divine wisdom to guide me to the right path.
I hope everyone enjoys their Easter Sunday. For me, Easter isn’t simply about the speeches, the nice clothes, the baskets or the peanut M&Ms im hoping to get- today I’m going to church seeking peace in my restless soul. I’m hoping that the hope, and faith in me that may be dying- can be restored, resurrected even. I’m hoping that behind my reconstructed smile- there will be authentic Joy and Happiness in more abundance than there was before. Truthfully, I miss him a little.