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Dead on Easter Sunday

What an irony to feel dead on Resurrection SUNDAY? Happy Easter Everyone.

On this day in history. Jesus rose from being dead. We are not talking about a brief lapse of consciousness, but three days of being dead. He woke up, with all power in his hands-as we have heard over the years. So I suppose the irony of my day- is that on the day of resurrection, parts of me feel absolutely dead.
Before I go into that- allow me to remind you of the disclaimer- Im not perfect, nor do I claim to be. I don’t have all the answers nor do I claim to. And though I’m on a journey of happiness, peace and positivity- life, hormones, emotions and situations get the best of me too- sometimes. With that said- let’s dig in.
Like I said- parts of me feel dead. On resurrection Sunday. There is one or more things missing and I think I know what they are. I think what I feared most may be happening. After a brief “marital seperation” I feel more confused and less clear-minded. Its a strange feeling when you are granted just enough personal freedom to explore your options, yet you aren’t quite free enough to enjoy uninhibited pleasure. That’s a not-so-fancy way of saying, being separated has brought more questions than answers. And I got anxiety- #AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!

I find myself wishing life would give me definite answers, and absolute conclusions. But I guess the point is- how could I exercise FAITH or HOPE, if I already knew the outcome? The Bottomline is, my faith, my love, my patience- it’s all being tested in this moment. I wish I had answers to give my children, my friends, my family, my spouse, my lover, myself. Truth is- I simply don’t. Like most people, I’m waking up everyday and admitting I don’t have a clue what to do- and I’m literally depending on divine wisdom to guide me to the right path.

I hope everyone enjoys their Easter Sunday. For me, Easter isn’t simply about the speeches, the nice clothes, the baskets or the peanut M&Ms im hoping to get- today I’m going to church seeking peace in my restless soul. I’m hoping that the hope, and faith in me that may be dying- can be restored, resurrected even. I’m hoping that behind my reconstructed smile- there will be authentic Joy and Happiness in more abundance than there was before. Truthfully, I miss him a little.

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