8. Some men will use your kids to win favor with you.
I know this sounds pretty basic. But over the past 10 year I’ve been a parent, I find myself surprised by the number of men who have actually pretended to like my children, to find favor with me. It seems like a lot of work for a man to pretend to care about children (who can often be complicated, discerning little creatures) only for the sake of a short term fling. Im not talking about those jewels of men who honestly seek a meaningful relationship and they understand that they must get to know your kids if they intend on being around in the long run. I’m speaking about the men who PRETEND to be family oriented, father figures. Initially these men seem to be overly benevolent to your children, but the act isn’t easily sustained. Usually within a short time, his true colors are revealed, and you will find that he has no real parenting skills, he honestly doesn’t want to spend time with the kids, and he may even become aggravated by the children if they interfere with his plans with you. I know this seems simplistic, but I didn’t know these men existed until I actually dated them. Beware any man who seems overly enthusiastic about your children.
7. Once the abuse begins it usually doesn’t end.
If you are unfortunate enough to be in a relationship that involves any type of abuse-emotional, physical, or sexual- please understand that the likelihood of the abuse stopping (without significant intervention) is low. In my experience, once the abuse begins, you should plan and exit strategy, and leave. No relationship is worth anyone being abused.
6. Always be on the lookout for mental disorders.
Yep. When most people think of mental disorders, they think of the overt, dazed and confused looking person who obviously has a mental issue. People may even associate mental disorders with the iconic straight jacket, donned by a wide-eyed, screaming maniac, thrashing about. The truth is, there are those among us who have mental disorders and they seem perfectly normal on initial inspection. You can go months or longer without even noticing that anything is wrong. Issues may not become obvious until a stressful trigger, or until the relationship suffers irretrievable damage. Undiagnosed mental issues may manifest as: SEVERE PROBLEMS COMMUNICATING, ADDICTIONS SEX, GAMBLING, ETC, SUBSTANCE ABUSE, SEVERE AVOIDANCE, LOW SELF ESTEEM, AND A NEED FOR CONSTANT REINFORCEMENT. What worse than to move in, marry, or procreate with someone who you later learn has a mental disorder. I suggest you become familiar with basic signs of mental disorders and stay on the lookout for any conditions or disorders.
5. Rebound relationships usually don’t work.
Most people know the old saying “To get over one man, you have to get under another one.” While this sounds like a fun way to move past a break-up, I have learned that rebound relationships serve the purpose of occupying the mind and temporarily delaying any grief that we may endure about the loss of our initial relationship. Most times we place little thought into selecting out rebound relationship, and we simply don’t think very far into the future of the relationship. This is harmful because you can end up dating someone with an undiagnosed mental disorder, or putting yourself in a bad situation because of poor judgement. Moreover, the grief of the initial relationship will have to be dealt with, so why not deal with it up front?
4. You CANNOT fix a man.
Im sure I’m not the first or last woman to accept a “fixer-up” into my dating life. I’ve walked into relationships with an “S” on my chest, feeling like a Savior. In and instant, I have taken on the task of trying to raise grown men, change their bad habits, and implant within them a brand new mentality. Bottom line- its not worth it! This is a waste of time. If you cannot accept a man the way he is, without feeling the need to change him, then he may not be the man for you. You will end up exhausted, and he may end up resenting you.
3. If he cant claim you in public, don’t screw him in private.
This one is self explanatory. This is for the men who would come running if I offered an “evening in”. However, those same men seem to be too busy for real dates outside the home. I’ve learned that a man who does not treat you like a lady outside the bedroom, doesn’t respect you; and a man who cannot respect you, does not deserve to be in your life.
2. Trust your instincts.
In my previous relationships, I have found that the red flags had almost always been there. Sometimes they are more obvious than others. Over the years I have learned to trust my instincts more, and it has made it easier to identify the red flags in potential new relationships. Trusting you instincts will give you the confidence to dismiss potentially bad relationships and pursue ones that may have a good chance of growing into healthy relationships.
1. It takes more than good sex to win a man.
My favorite lesson that I’ve learned. This Is another lesson that is self explanatory. Like men, women can at times be competitive. We can sometimes have, what I call, the “Eve Complex.” In the past I felt like I could change a mans mind by putting that SUPER, CHAMPIONSHIP, GRADE A, Sex game on him. Truth is, while good sex can make a person say all kinds of things.However, it is unrealistic to think that good sex can make a man wine you, dine you, wife you, or leave his wife for you. Doing so will just be exhausting.
I’m happy to know that I have learned a lot of lessons from my past. What lessons have you learned from your past relatioships?